I was talking to my sister and she asked what the whole right/left thing on blogs is all about. I will attempt to discuss my view of these ideologies in a childrearing analogy (keeping in mind I am not a parent so have no expertise -LOL).
Lets discuss two parenting styles or ideologies. Let me preface this by saying that both parents love their children very much. Let me also say that there are extremes of each kind but we each know the mainstream general common version of each kind. Keep in mind that I am not saying adults are children however there are basic ideologies backing the child-raising strategies of each set. I believe one, although just as loving, is far more harmful to society.
One set of parents, Mr. and Mrs. Right, are consistent. They have set boundaries, set consequences for crossing them, and are firm with their children. They regularly say no to their children and chores are expected. There are curfews, bed times, and lying of any kind is not tolerated. The children in this family do not consider their parents as friends. At some point in their rearing, the children have claimed to "hate" their parents. There are clear lines between right and wrong and the children know it. The question "why" sometimes does not matter as the behaviour is inherently wrong. If one of their children fails a grade, they should fail and redo that grade to learn that there are consequences and to learn the material to prepare them for the future.
The other set of parents, Mr. and Mrs. Left, are somewhat inconsistent. There are no boundaries or set consequences. They do not say no to their children. There are no curfews and no chores. The children have no responsibility to the household because they have the right to be children. The question "why" always matters and the parent is not aware of lying behaviour. There is no need to do anything in order to receive their allowance. In fact, they are given money when they want it. If the children are going to misbehave (ie: drink or smoke) then they would prefer it be done in their house as it is safer. There are no curfews and no set bedtimes. The parents want to be their children's friend. If the child fails a grade, the child should be moved to the next grade so that the child does not feel different or badly.
Now, this is a somewhat simplistic analogy but it is my view of the difference between right and left. As I said, both parents love their children very much. Both parents are raising their children in a way they believe to be right. Mr. and Mrs. Right believe that children should learn responsibility, right and wrong, and consequences even though feelings may be hurt. Mr. and Mrs. Left believe that children should be children and that responsibility will come later.
I feel that Mr. and Mrs. Left are actually doing the children and society a disservice. The children grow up to feel entitled regardless of behaviour. They do not understand responsibility and boundaries. They are "special", entitled, and spoiled. They do not understand consequences and have a rough time acclimating to society. Mr. and Mrs. Right's children, however, do not feel entitled regardless of behaviour. It may appear that Mr. and Mrs. Right do not love their children sometimes however it is because they love them that they raise them this way. They understand that hard work is rewarded, laws must be followed as there are consequences, there is right and wrong, there is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and that they have responsibility for themselves and their loved ones.
It is true that there are Mr. and Mrs. Rights who are too authoritarian and Mr. and Mrs. Lefts that are way too lax. However, there is a basic mindset of each childrearing ideology. Personally, I would rather share society with Mr. and Mrs. Right's children than Mr. and Mrs. Left's children.
Update: LOL... I guess to be inclusive I should state that it could be Mr. and Mr. Right and Mrs. and Mrs. Left however this is a sidetrack and not particularly relevant to the point I am trying to make. Unless, of course, you want to include Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. Left but I digress
Friday, August 11, 2006
Right and Left
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2 comments:
Good analogy. It always helps to put thing at a level that most people can understand and have had some personal experience. It is a worry though for parents who raise their children to be responsible, knowing that their life will be more difficult since the world seems to be moving in a direction that proclaims responsibility as a bad thing (except of course when the dependents claim the rewards of the hard working).
On the other hand we have the knowledge that they are less likely to have run-ins with the law and cause their parents grief when they are grown ups.
The Calgary Herald ran an article a while back about more and more kids living at home well into their thirties. The spin of coarse was the housing shortage. Nothing was said of the posibility that there is simply more dependance fostered in our society these days (and the subsequent errosion of pride?). Two days after I graduated from High School I had a job 1000 miles away from home and have been independant since.
Tne recognition that people rebel against what they perceive as persecution - just as a dumb animal which has been abused will - is to miss the alternate struggle to improve interpersonal relations by encouraging an attitude of impartiality and balance.
Parents find the first child difficult. Their inner stress makes them snappish and easily frustrated. High levels of self-criticism and unrealistic expectations are no help.
I wish I had raised dogs before children rather than the other way around. Beings attached to you emotionally in a dependency situation need to be dealt with understanding and tolerance.
Dogs are quick and severe in their punishment - then forgive completely without residual blame/games. The idea is to deter disobedience ; not frighten or terrorize.
Unfortunately rage can catch people who think of themselves as reasonable by surprise in a thoughtless, vicious act. That is because emotional stress triggers reactions of violence which can occur before moderated by normal conscious censorship.
Not something that will make you have a good self-image if you're sandbagged by it. Worse, unchecked, it will wreck lives and families.
Children don't react the same way as they grow up. Parents are the people they play games upon to indulge themselves ; couples hang together or hang separately.
The love word is used as a cureall here. Better might be hope and faith : that the end of the world is not at hand over the latest "crisis".
I think you're reacting to what is known as "framing" or prejudice when you characterize this as a left/right difference.
Politically that is generally the disagreement between those who want government dominated by the common people, often involving civic projects, and those favouring elitists. Of course, there is the further split that the rich used to be part of the common people as opposed to nobility, while these days things are somewhat more confused, resulting in anti-communist hysteria. And yes, at their extremist ends of the spectrum, autocrats and communists both advocate destruction of the state by force ; a position inevitably criminalized and prosecuted, either by jailing violently criminal radicals or by the state persecuting the people and being reckless about their welfare, often to the point of their physical suffering.
Projecting religous and ethnic bias into this to further confuse things is a common tactic.
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